Friday, January 27, 2012

Infinite Possibilities



in•fi•nite / adjective
1. immeasurably great: an infinite capacity for forgiveness.
2. Indefinitely or exceedingly great: infinite sums of money.
3. unlimited or unmeasurable in extent of space, duration of time, etc.: the infinite nature of outer space.
4. unbounded or unlimited; boundless; endless: God's infinite mercy

pos•si•bil•i•ty noun, plural -ties for 2.
1. The state or fact of being possible: the possibility of error.
2. Something possible: He had exhausted every possibility but one.

Most people start the day with infinite possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. I’m a planner, for years I would choose and iron my clothes (and accessories) for the week, I would plan my meals for the week, I grocery shopped for the month. Now I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It’s very frustrating, especially when the plans change, hence my common saying “I hate change”.

My boss gave me a sticky note that says “Change Energizes Us” I wrote NEGATIVE on the note. Change makes me bonkers and I have to re strategize to make it through the day. I now live with the looming thought that today may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous.

The difference in being sick and being healthy has to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted. The hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wish I could make people understand everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. When you begin your day, most people start the day off by showering/bathing, get dressed, go to work or school, come home, eat dinner, relax, go to bed. For me- it’s open 1 eye, the other, sit up, put your legs on the floor, stand up, walk to the bathroom..GET MY DRIFT- its 100 little jobs in one. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Loving The Skin I'm In

People with lupus know the disease can affect various parts of their body, both inside and out, in a variety of ways. Though lupus is known to affect the joints, kidneys, heart and lungs, more often than not, one of the clearest signs that a person has developed the disease is the way it affects the skin.



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Lupus had (in my opinion) had taken my beauty. My face was on display for everyone to give me that side eye and saying " what the heck happen to you??" Although my family and friends assured me that I was beautiful and it was "ok"- I felt like that ugly duckling. A dear friend of mine ( First lady of Blue Line Productions - Rana) sent me a message one day that read " I miss your pretty face". She was referring to not seeing me out and about at local functions in the DC metro area, I started balling- because I literally MISSED MY PRETTY FACE! I'm 6"2 and wear 5 inch stilettos ( well I use too, until lupus started affecting my joints and my feet- damn him!) and I would walk in a room LIKE I OWNED IT-( at least like I paid the light bill..lol..lol..)- then came the red sores, the black scares, and the discoloration in my face- and my obsession with Dermablend!!!!! I would pack that stuff on like my life depended on it. I was hiding... and worse of all- I hated the skin I was in......






** wearing full coverage Dermablend makeup **

My physician gave me a referral to see Valerie D. Callender, M.D. to assist with my skin condition




Dr. Valerie Callender is an internationally recognized Board Certified Dermatologist, who is known for her expertise in Pigmentation Disorders and the medical and surgical treatment of Hair Loss in Women. Dr. Callender has written twelve (12) textbook chapters and many articles for academic journals. She has recently co-edited a textbook on the Treatment for Skin of Color

Dr. Callender office is located at 1220 Annapolis Road, Suite 315, Glendale, MD (301)249-0970. Her office offer a range of facial treatments, cosmetic procedures, & body treatments. On my appointment date- the office was PACKED! The ladies at the reception area were very nice and & courteous. My wait wasn't as long as I expected ( I waited maybe 15 minutes before I was taken to the examination room). Dr. Callender's assistant took a quick assesment of my medical history, and my concerns. 10 minutes later enter in Dr. Callender herself. We chatted a bit, she tried to lighten the "mood" ( I was very tense and nervous). As soon as Dr. Callender put on her gloves and started examining my face, the tears started to flow. She immediately stopped and comforted me. She continued her examine, speaking in a calm voice and re assuring me that all was going to be ok. I advised her what I had been doing, what products I'd been using, and just blurted out " I hate the way I look, I don't look good and I don't feel good". We discussed treatment plans, and she tried to assure me that she would help me. She asked me to trust her- she told me SHE WOULD NOT GIVE UP - MY SKIN WILL BE CLEAR AGAIN! At the end of the examine, I ask- " what makeup brand would you recommend for me?" she looked up at me ( dead in the eyes) and replied " NONE- when I get through, you wont need makeup!" ** what did she just say.. I wont need make up ... whoo freakin hooooooo!!!! let the treatment begin!!!!** {insert laughter from myself and Dr. Callender}

Below is my daily routine prescribed to me by Dr. Callender ( she actually wrote this down for me- including the steps!!!!)




** yes, my clarisonic is PURPLE in honor of my daily fight with Lupus**

~AM~
Cleanse (w/ clarisonic brush & Neutrogena Forming Face Wash)
SPF 70 ( all over face)
apply hydroquinone (4% strength) to dark spots ( using a qtip)
optional: apply makeup

~PM~
Cleanse (w/clarisonic brush & Neutrogena Foaming Face Wash)
Apply thin layer of Differin Gel ( all over face)
apply hydroquinone (4% strength) to dark spots ( using a q-tip)

I have been following this routine for 4 weeks. Look at me now!!!!!



No Makeup
**Excuse the pink hair rollers, I was setting my hair for a braid & curl out**


LOOK AT ME NOW AFTER 4 WEEKS!!!!!!! My skin is in the best shape right now. I owe it all to Dr. Callender!!!!! I'm positive that with a few more weeks of treatment I will be back to my beautiful dewy CLEAR skin " I loved before Lupus". As a physician, the most valuable thing Dr. Calender did was LISTEN!!!!! She allowed me to express my concerns and cry. She did a though examination and a though assessment of my skin care regimen( jotting down my current routine, noting the medications/creams previously used ( side effects, etc), eating habits, water intake, etc). She even gave me a "goodie bag" filled me with samples before I purchased full size bottles/tubes of the prescribed products. There's nothing more rewarding than a doctor that LISTENS to you and your concerns, and give you a "specific" treatment plan for your issues. I give Dr. Callender a A+ for a job well done, and she will FOREVER BE MY GO TO DERMATOLOGIST!!!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My Interview with God

Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"

"If you have the time," I said.

God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"

"What surprises you most about mankind?"

God answered:
"That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again. That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health. That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future. That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived."

God's hands took mine and we were silent for while and then I asked:
"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"

God replied with a smile:
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.




To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives. To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!




To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.




To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.





To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.




To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.





To learn that money can buy everything but happiness and salvation.




To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.




To learn that a true friend in someone who knows everything about them and likes them anyway.





To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."

I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied: "Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Author Unknown